(A very personal note from me to you)
Every year around this time, my phone and inbox start to fill up.
The stories are different, but the pattern is the same:
“I went home for Thanksgiving and something felt… off.”
“I can’t tell if I’m overreacting.”
“Mom swears she’s fine, but I left with a knot in my stomach.”
Most of us go into these holiday visits thinking we’re the only ones going through this. We feel guilty for even noticing that our parents seem older, frailer, or a little “not themselves.”
I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not alone.
Hi, I am Laura Lynn Morrissey, Founder of SilverSavvy. I am also a daughter and life-long caregiver. You are not crazy, and you’re not a bad son, daughter, spouse, or friend for noticing.
In my work, I see the same quiet fears in families over and over. I also see the same quiet fear in older adults themselves:
- They are proud.
- They don’t want to be a burden.
- They are afraid of what might be happening to their body or memory.
- They do not want to be exposed or “handled,” even by people with the best intentions.
And the bigger picture says you are far from alone:
In the U.S., about 3 in 10 older adults live alone, 1 in 4 reports a fall each year, and roughly 1 in 9 is living with Alzheimer’s disease. Major health organizations also warn that loneliness and isolation in later life are tied to higher risks of heart disease, depression, dementia, and even early death.
So if you’re noticing changes this holiday season, you are definitely not the only one.
My goal is not to make you panic. It’s to gently alert you to subtle and not-so-subtle signs that a loved one might need more help—so you can respond with respect, kindness, and a plan.
You do not need to see all of these for your concern to be valid. Even a few together are worth paying attention to.
1. Their walking looks different… and you’re seeing “mystery bruises”
This is one of the first things to watch for, because it’s easy to miss.
You might notice:
- Holding onto walls or furniture when walking
- Hesitating at stairs or curbs
- Avoiding going out after dark
- Bruises they “don’t remember” getting
What this might mean:
Their balance or strength is changing, and they may already be having small falls they’re hiding. Many older adults fear that if they admit this, someone will “take away their independence.”
2. They’ve lost weight… or the kitchen and trash tell a different story
Sometimes the first sign isn’t dramatic — it’s the fridge.
Look for:
- Very little fresh food
- A store-bought rotisserie chicken picked absolutely clean because it’s the only “real meal” they can manage
- Junk food and snack foods that were never really part of their diet before
- Expired milk or spoiled leftovers
And when you hug them: do they feel smaller? Are clothes hanging off of them?
What this might mean:
Shopping and cooking may have become too tiring, too confusing, or physically hard. They might be skipping meals or defaulting to whatever is easiest… and they may be downplaying it because they don’t want you to worry or “take over.”
3. Their usual grooming and hygiene are slipping
This one can be especially painful to notice, because it touches pride.
Red flags:
- Strong body odor or obviously unwashed hair
- Wearing the same clothes day after day
- Clothes that are stained, inside out, or not weather-appropriate
- Dirty fingernails or nails that clearly haven’t been trimmed in a long time
- A shift from their usual neat style to baggy pull-over sweatshirts and elastic-waist pants every day
- Slippers instead of shoes — not just at night, but all day and even outside
What this might mean:
Bathing and dressing may feel scary or physically difficult. Clipping nails is hard. Slippers feel easier than tying shoes (even though they can actually increase fall risk). They may know something is off, but feel ashamed and terrified of being criticized or “managed.”
4. The house feels “off” compared to their usual standards
I’m not talking about a little holiday mess. I’m talking about a shift from their normal.
Things to notice:
- Piles of laundry or dishes that never used to sit
- Stacks of newspapers, boxes, or random items on the floor
- Narrow paths through the rooms
- Smells from trash, spoiled food, or pet accidents
What this might mean:
Housework and organizing have become too much. They may not see clutter or spills as clearly. They may be overwhelmed and not know where to start.
Clutter and poor lighting are exactly the kinds of hazards the CDC warns about when it talks about preventing falls in older adults.
5. Unopened mail, unpaid bills, or money confusion
Money is deeply tied to independence and dignity, so people hide struggles here.
Look for:
- Stacks of unopened mail
- Bills mixed in with junk mail
- “Final notice” or late-payment letters
- Confusion about bank accounts or recent charges
What this might mean:
They’re having trouble keeping track of paperwork. Online accounts feel confusing. There may be early changes in memory or processing. And because money mistakes feel shameful, they’re likely to hide them as long as possible.
6. Medications that don’t seem under control
Medication management is one of the quietest and most dangerous problem areas.
Red flags:
- Multiple bottles of the same medicine in different spots
- A pill organizer that’s full when it should be empty (or vice versa)
- Loose pills on tables, counters, or floors
- “I can never remember if I took this already”
What this might mean:
Whatever system they had has broken down. Vision, memory, or coordination may be changing. They may be having side effects but don’t want to “bother the doctor” or deal with more appointments.
Medication mix-ups are a major reason older adults end up back in the hospital after an illness or discharge.
7. Memory slips that feel different from normal aging
We all walk into a room and forget why. What I’m talking about here is pattern.
Watch for:
- Asking the same question again and again in a short period
- Getting mixed up about which holiday is coming up or who is who
- Losing the thread of conversations and circling back to the same story
- Getting turned around in familiar places
The Alzheimer’s Association estimates that more than 7 million Americans 65+ are living with Alzheimer’s disease — about 1 in 9 seniors. So again: you are not alone in seeing this.
What this might mean:
Something more than “typical aging” may be starting. They probably feel it, too. The fear of “What if this is dementia?” makes many people hide or minimize changes.
This is where gentle, specific examples (“I’ve noticed…”) are far more helpful than panic or denial.
8. Withdrawing from social life and activities they used to enjoy
One “quiet” holiday doesn’t tell the whole story. But if you ask about the rest of the year and hear:
- “Oh, I don’t go to that group anymore.”
- “I just stay home, it’s easier.”
- “I’m too tired to see people.”
…or you notice they’re quieter, less engaged, or skipping gatherings they used to love, that matters.
The National Institute on Aging and CDC both warn that loneliness and social isolation in older adults are tied to higher risks of heart disease, stroke, depression, cognitive decline, and dementia.
What this might mean:
Hearing or following conversations is getting harder. Friends have died or moved. Depression or anxiety may be creeping in. Loneliness doesn’t always look dramatic; sometimes it hides under “I like my peace and quiet.”
9. A spouse or partner who looks completely worn out
Sometimes the person who needs help isn’t the one you think.
Look for:
- A spouse who jumps up for everything and never really sits
- Joking comments like “I never stop” or “If I sit down, I’ll fall asleep”
- Insisting “We’re fine” while looking exhausted or unwell
What this might mean:
They are quietly providing a huge amount of care. They’re afraid that if they speak up, the next step will be a nursing home or big change they don’t want. They don’t want to “get anyone in trouble,” so they minimize their own needs.
It’s easy to focus only on the person with obvious needs and miss the caregiver crisis happening right next to them.
10. That deep “something isn’t right” feeling you can’t shake
This one isn’t on any official checklist, but it matters.
If you’re driving away after the holidays with tears in your eyes, a tight chest, or a sick feeling in your gut—pay attention to that.
Your brain has been collecting data all weekend:
- Small changes in how they move, talk, or interact
- Little hints of struggle in the kitchen, bathroom, or on the stairs
- Fragments of conversation that didn’t sit right
They may be working very hard to act “normal” to protect you. Your intuition is often picking up what their words are hiding.
So… What Do You Do With All of This?
I don’t want you to leave this and lie awake at 3am replaying everything.
And I also don’t want you to storm in with a clipboard and trigger their worst fears.
Try this instead:
1. Gently name what you’re seeing — for yourself
Write it down. Not “Mom is a mess,” but:
- “Mom held onto the counter the entire time she walked through the kitchen.”
- “Dad asked what day Thanksgiving was three times.”
- “There were three stacks of unopened mail on the dining room table.”
- “The rotisserie chicken in the fridge was picked clean and there wasn’t much else to eat.”
Specifics help you think clearly and help doctors or other professionals later.
2. Lead with respect and partnership
Instead of “You can’t live like this,” try:
“I love that you’re still here in this house. I want to make sure it stays workable for you.”
“I noticed a couple of things that made me worry about you falling. Can we look at them together?”
“I don’t want to take over. I want to be on your team.”
Proud people respond much better to being treated like partners than patients.
3. Start with small, safety-focused steps
The first step doesn’t have to be a big move or huge care plan. It might be:
- Better lighting in halls and stairways
- Clearing clutter from steps and pathways
- Grab bars or non-slip mats in the bathroom
- Regular help with heavy grocery trips
- A plan for safer shoes instead of loose slippers
Small changes can make a big difference without feeling like a loss of independence.
4. Don’t try to solve everything in one conversation
This is a process, not a single talk.
You don’t need all the answers before you go home. You just need to start moving from vague dread to concrete observations and small, kind actions.
A Gentle First Step: The SilverSavvy Life Care Plan Smart Start Kit
If you’re reading this and thinking,
“Okay, this is us… but I have no idea where to start,”
take a breath. You do not have to figure everything out this weekend.
This is exactly why I created the SilverSavvy Life Care Plan Smart Start Kit.
Think of it as a simple, private “coffee chat on paper” that helps you see the whole picture instead of just one worrying detail.
You can use it a few different ways:
- For yourself, if you’re the one over 60 and wondering how prepared you really are
- Together with a parent or loved one, as a way to walk through things without it turning into a big, emotional argument
- Or, if your loved one isn’t ready to talk about this yet, you can quietly fill it out from your perspective, based on what you saw over the holidays
However you use it, the goal isn’t to judge or “grade” anyone. It’s simply to:
- See where things are strong and steady
- Spot the places where you’re quietly at risk of a crisis
- Get a short list of realistic next steps
👉 Click here to get the free Life Care Plan Smart Start Kit
How We Can Help
If this blog feels uncomfortably close to your own story, please hear this:
You don’t have to guess your way through this. I do this every day. I know what to do next.
At SilverSavvy, I work alongside families who are noticing these same changes and wondering what to do. Together, we:
- Make sense of what you’re seeing in your loved one’s health, home, and daily life
- Prioritize the most urgent safety and quality-of-life issues without steamrolling anyone’s dignity
- Look at money, benefits, and long-term care insurance so you’re not leaving help on the table
- Build a realistic plan for the next 30–90 days instead of waiting for the next crisis
You don’t have to have the right words or a polished story. Just tell me what you saw and what you’re worried about, and we’ll take it from there.
You can learn more about how I work with families at:
www.silversavvy.com
If you’d like to talk about your specific situation, you can reach me at:
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 617-925-9712
And remember, you are not alone.