If you came home from Thanksgiving with a quiet knot in your stomach about how your parents are really doing, you’re not alone.
Every year, right after the holidays, adult children suddenly see changes that are harder to spot over the phone or on quick visits. It can feel like everything shifted at once.
You don’t have to fix everything before New Year’s. But you also don’t have to just sit with that feeling.
Back in November, in my blog “Going home for the holidays? Please read this,” I invited you to pay attention during your visit with your parents. If you missed it, you can click this link and read it here.
This follow-up is about what to do with what you saw.
Below are seven changes people often notice over Thanksgiving—and one small step you can take before the New Year for each.
1. Memory slips that feel different
Why it matters
We all forget a word or misplace the keys. What’s more concerning is when you see things like repeating the same question or story in a short time, missing appointments, or getting confused in familiar places.
One step before the New Year
Gently suggest a check-up: “Would you be open to talking with your doctor, just to make sure your memory is okay? It would help me feel better.” Then you call the primary care office, schedule the visit, and ask if they can include a brief memory screening.
2. Unopened mail or money mix-ups
Why it matters
Piles of unopened mail, late notices, or confusion about bank accounts can be one of the first real-life hints that managing paperwork is getting hard. It can also just mean they’re overwhelmed and tired.
One step before the New Year
Offer a short “mail session” together—30–60 minutes to sort things into: Urgent (bills, insurance, medical), Important (bank, tax), and Shred/Recycle (junk). Suggest setting up autopay for a few key bills. If it still feels like too much, consider bringing in a daily money manager or professional bill-pay service to keep things organized and watch for errors or scams.
3. New falls, bruises, or “close calls”
Why it matters
A single fall can change everything. Unexplained bruises or stories about “just a little slip” are often your warning that balance, strength, or vision needs attention.
One step before the New Year
Ask directly: “Have you fallen or almost fallen in the last few months?” If the answer is yes, push gently for a medical visit to review medications and balance, a physical therapy referral, and a simple home safety check (rugs, cords, stairs, lighting). Frame it as prevention: “I want you to stay in this house as long as possible. Let’s make it work for you.”
4. Worrisome changes in driving
Why it matters
Driving represents freedom and independence, but it’s also a safety issue. If you felt tense in the passenger seat—because of slower reactions, missed stops, scrapes on the car, or getting lost on familiar routes—that matters.
One step before the New Year
Start with a calm conversation: “I noticed a few things when we were driving. How do you feel behind the wheel lately?” Suggest small, face-saving adjustments: no night driving, no highways, shorter familiar routes. If you’re seriously concerned, ask the doctor about a driving evaluation or occupational therapy assessment so you’re not the only one making the call.
5. A home that looks very different from past years
Why it matters
Compare this year’s visit to five years ago. More clutter, dishes or laundry piling up, or very little safe food in the house can signal that daily tasks are getting harder—physically, cognitively, or emotionally.
One step before the New Year
Pick one practical support: a monthly housecleaning visit as a “gift,” setting up regular grocery delivery, or tackling obvious trip hazards like loose rugs and cords. You don’t have to fix the entire house this month. Start with one visible change that makes things safer and easier.
6. Weight loss, poor appetite, or general frailty
Why it matters
Clothes hanging looser, a smaller appetite, or getting winded with short walks can all hint at underlying medical issues and a higher risk for falls and illness.
One step before the New Year
Ask the doctor’s office for their weight trend over the last year, if you can. Encourage a check-up and name what you’re seeing: “I’m worried about your energy and weight. Can we talk with your doctor together?” At home, think small and doable—simple, appealing foods and snacks that are easy to prepare and within reach.
7. Mood or personality changes
Why it matters
A parent who seems unusually withdrawn, anxious, irritable, or “not themselves” may be dealing with depression, anxiety, grief, pain, medication side effects, or early dementia. Whatever the cause, it deserves attention.
One step before the New Year
Try one open-ended question: “You didn’t seem quite like yourself this visit. How have you really been feeling?” Then give them time to answer. Ask the doctor to screen for depression and anxiety. These are treatable at any age.
If you recognized even one or two of these, it doesn’t mean everything is falling apart. It means you’re paying attention.
You don’t have to tackle all seven areas. Before the New Year, choose one thing to move forward:
- Make one medical appointment.
- Have one honest conversation.
- Put one new support in place at home.
That’s enough for now. Small, thoughtful steps add up over time.
For some families, those small steps are enough. For others, they raise a bigger question: “Is it time for help at home?”
Home care agencies often see an increase in calls right after the holidays, when families decide they can’t ignore what they’ve seen. The challenge is knowing which agency to trust and what kind of help will actually make a difference.
That’s where my work through Silver Savvy comes in. I help you translate what you saw into a clear picture of what your parent needs, explore whether home care is the right next step, vet local agencies, and match your parent with caregivers who fit. I stay involved as needs change so you’re not navigating it alone.
In my next post, I’ll share the key questions to ask any home care agency and the red flags that tell you to keep looking. If you’re already calling agencies and don’t want to wait, you can reach out to me directly at [email protected] and ask for my Home Care Agency Questions & Checklist so you go into those conversations prepared.
Warmly,
Laura Lynn Morrissey
Founder, SilverSavvy, CDP